im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
