Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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