there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
