There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there's paper in my vomit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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