he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
