theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
