Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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