The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
