I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
