The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
