I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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