dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
