So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
