Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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