Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
