Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
