it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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