home. puking in laundry basket.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
