you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
