Sponge bath it is.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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