When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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