I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
