We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
