why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
