How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
