like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
