he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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