I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
