her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
