Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
