Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
