Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
