He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
