Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
