I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
