fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
