I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
