i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
