How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
