It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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