I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
