remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
