yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
