oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
