i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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