whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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