Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
