I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
