Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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