Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
