I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
