just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Found your dick twin last night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
