I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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