And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
