I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
