I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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