Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
